Monday, May 16, 2016

Chakras in the Underground - column

Mack Hall, HSG

Chakras in the Underground

About that restroom edict – why are people constantly surprised at having the government for which they voted?

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The democratically-elected leaders of this nation are obsessed with telling other nations what to do and how to live, but, unsurprisingly, can’t even run a short railroad.

The D.C. subway is reported to be a mess, with poor design, inadequate maintenance, fatal fires and smoke, breakdowns, delays, and questionable accounting practices. When a subway train breaks down – or begins burning – you’re trapped in a tunnel and can’t get out and walk away.

Subways are illogical. Humans are by nature surface-dwellers, not burrowers. Given that D.C. reposes uneasily upon a swamp, tunnels there are not a good idea. And even in stable rock, packing humans, machinery, fuel, and electricity into a sealed environment is a patently unsafe practice.

But perhaps the maintenance funding was routed via Iraq, Afghanistan, and the China Seas.

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The most realistic greeting card slogan for graduation might be: Congratulations! Now you’re just another unemployed American.”

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Bernie Sanders has the endorsement of the witch community in Oregon:

…she prepared to lead them in the “amplification of positive energy of Bernie Sanders and the progressive movement.”

They gathered around a small rug with four candles, flowers and an imitation ballot box adorned with Bernie stickers. Each person was handed a replica ballot and took turns declaring what they would like to see changed…

Then they circled the candles together, chanting “be the Bern, be the Bern, be the Bern…”

When they were finished, they passed around cherries and ginger lemonade. (

At the once-Catholic University of Notre Dame this event might be confused with Sunday morning Mass.

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A current shopping-mall theology advises us that we are composed of chakras and must spend time and money balancing them. Well, hey, we mustn’t go around with unbalanced chakras.

Do you get the idea that valley-speakers who are obsessed with their chakras and reikis and gluten-free auras are the sort of people who take selfies?

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The chakras seem to have been unbalanced at a political convention in Nevada last Saturday. Things got so rough that delegate Aunt Pittypat pleaded for her smelling salts, a cup of organic rose-hip tea, Yoo-Toob time, and a lawyer.

Purse-swinging was averted only by some bored-looking deputies standing in front of the dais and asking the attendees to leave. They said “please.” And the attendees, raising their me-phones in a princess-power salute, left.

Still, that the long-obedient proletariat finally refused to be good comrades and obey the program imposed by The Party gives one hope for democracy.


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