Sunday, September 27, 2015

Cane, Shillelagh, or Pilgrim’s Staff?

Mack Hall, HSG

Cane, Shillelagh, or Pilgrim’s Staff?

A walking stick does not walk at all; it is carried by fashionable gentlemen who employ it both for adornment and for balance.

An acquaintance who shall rename nameless…don’t tell them your name, Pike! Oops – too late. Anyway, my buddy Pike must work with some uncooperative knee joints just now – knee joints are like that – but resists using his walking stick. My buddy Pike is like that.

Thus, I ask the reading public to help persuade Pike to take his walking stick with him on his adventures. Here is a beginning:

With the addition of a straw boater Pike could work on his Maurice Chevalier routine: “Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise…”

For football games Pike could bring out his weekend sports model, a walking stick with a portrait of Elvis carved into the handle.

All the cool kids have walking sticks this year.

An aluminum walking stick is a serious babe magnet.

Well, okay, a quadrupedal aluminum thingie is not cool, but for amusement Pike could name each of the four feet: Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Donald Trump, perhaps, or maybe Larry, Moe, Curly Joe, and Trevor.

Some walking sticks have a little compass in the handle. What could be more important than knowing where north is while roaming free in the vegetable aisle at the grocery store?

If Pike carries a walking stick and moans in pain occasionally, people won’t expect him to help move furniture.

A walking stick makes any elegant boulevardier appear even more elegant.

Pike could carry one of those clever walking sticks with a little flask of brandy concealed in the handle.

“Open Channel D.” Pike’s walking stick could also be a secret radio for transmitting T.H.R.U.S.H secrets to Mr. Waverly at U.N.C.L.E.

A walking stick can be used to measure the depth of street puddles and the Atlantic Ocean.

A swordstick would be handy for dealing with Commie assassins on darkened Berlin streets. It would also amuse TSA agents at airports.

A walking stick is good for beating snakes to death, especially the endangered species.

Why a walking stick? Because a walking pine cone just won’t do.

Most of all, I think my friend Pike should use his walking stick because without it he might fall and hurt himself. And that would make me very sad.

Pike would be sad too.


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